Just Say Me

After watching a hilariously funny episode of my new favourite 'mindless crap' tv show The Secret Life of an American Teenager titled “Just Say Me” I was left thinking and intrigued by the idea of masturbation. In this particular episode, based around a bunch of strangely intelligent and articulate teenagers including a teenage mother, a Christian girl, a 'slut' and their boyfriends that trapse along for the ride, the girls discuss how having sex has got them into so much trouble. It got Amy pregnant at 15, it got Grace kicked out of her Christian celibacy group and Adrian uses it as a tool for revenge, which she apparently regrets. So they decided instead of worrying about sex with boys any more they would masturbate but instead of calling it the ugly 'M' word they decided to call it “Just Say Me”.

It was so strange to see it on tv as it was something that was rarely talked about by anyone until Sex and The City certainly threw the topic of female masturbation into the mainstream and to be honest I'm quite glad they did. It opened up women to the idea that it was ok to 'just say me', men do it and it is common knowledge that men do it, so why cant women? I love the 'rabbit intervention' episode of Sex and the City, it is hilarious and there was nothing smutty or vulgar about it. Yet in saying this and the steps that female masturbation has taken up the 'topic of conversation' ladder it still seems to provoke anxiety in men and women alike. The Oprah Winfrey show did a segment on educating women on the benefits of feeling sexually alive, and calling attention to masturbation's role, biochemically and emotionally. It received terrible reviews, degrading and chastising the women who were brave enough to talk about their own masturbation experiences on the show and this was in 2008, ten years after the SATC 'Rabbit' episode opened up the topic to the world.

The psychoanalyst behind womensrealities.com Joyce McFaden did a study in 2008 and she stated that

“Women still experience guilt and shame around masturbation. 70% of the respondents to my study felt guilty, and 80% of them were never taught about it as a normal aspect of human sexuality - with a surprising 4/5 of those women being under the age of 35 and raised by mothers of the post feminist era. 88% of them reported a strong desire to hear other women's thoughts and feelings on masturbation, with most of them responding yes and absolutely emphasized with one to three exclamation points.”

After further delving into the topic I found that not many woman masturbate but a lot of women actually want to. The trends seem to be they either don't know how, they think it's 'gross' and should be left to men (haha!), and quite a large amount of women admitted to assuming that they should be passive, naive, and dependent when it comes to sex as women are never really taught otherwise.

I was 17 when I bought my first vibrator. I basically just bought it to show it off to my boyfriend at the time who had never made me orgasm and to tell the truth I didn't even believe at that stage that girls could orgasm! After playing around with it for six months I decided to lie down and see if the female orgasm was a myth or not. Much to my surprise it was no myth! Sex education at school covers how to put a condom on a banana and mothers rarely broach the subject with their daughters. But times are changing and women need to realise masturbation is just as natural as sex and allows you to have a better and healthier understanding of sex. If you keep it taboo and quiet, that is when it becomes unhealthy. Sex is an even playing field for both men and women we just need to be more open about the topic and realise that you should be empowered in the bedroom not the opposite.

So for the women out there who are not sure about it here are some of the known health benefits of masturbation:

• Eases some of the symptoms of premenstrual syndrome
• Relief from menstrual cramps
• Muscle relaxation
• Helps you to fall asleep
• Promotes release of the brain’s opioid-like neurotransmitters (endorphins), which cause feelings of physical and mental well-being
• Reduces stress
• Enhances self-esteem.

Some of the known sexual health benefits of masturbation include:

• Solo masturbation is a safe sex practice that carries no risk of sexually transmissible infection and unwanted pregnancy. As part of lovemaking between two people, it is known as ‘mutual masturbation’.
• Sexual tension is released. Masturbation allows a person to express their sexuality by themselves and is valuable if, for example, they don’t have a partner or if sex with their partner isn’t available, or if they want to (or have to) abstain from sex for any reason.
• Being familiar with your own sexual responses allows you to better communicate your wants and needs to your partner.
• Masturbation is a popular treatment for sexual dysfunction; for example, women who don’t orgasm can learn by masturbating.

If you would like information on how to 'just say me' or even to improve your technique the appropriately named Clitical.com has a truck load of information from your anatomy to moral issues to technique. It really is a perfectly natural body function it's not like your taking a mood enhancement drug to reach a level of stimulation... this is what these specific parts of your body are specifically for. It's not wrong if you do do it and it's not wrong if you don't do it. If you like it, great! If you don't, don't do it. It all comes down to personal choice!

CLE