BEING A MOTHER- PART TWO- MY 'ADVICE'

My Now Non-Stop 2 Year Old!

I love being a Mum. I did not know that I would be good at it. Which I am pretty sure I am! But you are bound to be good at anything you love doing! The best advice I can give you when you fall pregnant and when your little bundle of joy arrives is… TRUST YOURSELF. You are a Woman and Women have been giving birth and raising Children since the dawn of time! We are built for this! Do not let fear or what ‘other people say’ dictate a single thing. There are so so many statistics about so many different things when it comes to being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child. YOU ARE NOT A STATISTIC. YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING AND YOU MUST DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU! Let me say that again… DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU. Never in your life is it more important to learn to trust yourself, your body and your instincts than it is from the moment you fall pregnant.

The moment you break the news you are pregnant you will have people from all different directions informing you what you should do, what you shouldn’t do and how you should go about doing certain things. Don’t get me wrong, ‘they’ say these things because they have your best interest at heart, but you need to do what FEELS right to you. No one is you but YOU and you have to trust yourself and your motherly instincts because I assure you… those instincts are there! I read all the time about the media, other mothers and even family members disparaging a woman for a choice they have made. The peer pressure you receive as a mother is unbelievable! The statistics that come out about this and about that do not help either. As a Woman in this world who is built for giving birth and you are blessed with free will and a keen motherly instinct and you WILL know what to do. All you have to do is trust yourself.

Once you make a decision. You need to own that decision. If you want to give birth naturally do it. If you don’t… don’t! You will have women tell you how amazing giving birth naturally is (I am one of those :) and then you will have women who tell you how much easier it is to have a caesarean. Then you will read statistics for and against having a ceasar and you will read the media that disparage women who do and disparage women who don’t. Then you get to breast feeding and the debates about- should you, shouldn’t you, what is the best way to do it, how long for, can you do it in public? Then you get to- should you wrap your baby or not and then into different sleeping positions, bassinet or cot, and so and so forth. By all means, use the information out there as a guideline because it really does help but do what feels best for you!

 You and your baby have a special bond that no statistic can put a number to and you will know what he or she wants. Even if you don’t know straight away you will go through the steps of- is she cold, is he hungry, is she windy, etc and you will find out! The best thing I ever did was learn to be calm, patient and trust myself as a mother that I will do the right thing. And… I did and… I do!

Which brings me to… when you have done what is best for you and you have trusted your instincts and have done what works best for you and your baby, NEVER EVER disparage another mother if her way is different to yours. I would never dream of saying a woman was ‘not a real woman because she had a caesarean’ or that ‘breast feeding in public is disgusting’ or even ‘breast feeding is child abuse’ (yes, that one is out there) or even again ‘a woman is not a real woman unless she has had a baby’. It is none of your business what decisions other women make just as it is none of anyone’s business what decisions you make. Too often you see women ‘competing’ against each other or disparaging another woman for the certain way she does something. It has nothing to do with you.

Don’t worry. I am not forgetting my awful judgement about the woman who fell pregnant before me and how I agreed with a bunch of people in their early 20’s who had no children in their lives and were busy with idle gossip, getting drunk, and partying. I could not believe I believed them and that I allowed myself to judge someone else about something I had no clue about. Especially when, in all honesty, I knew better. I just hope that you can learn from my mistake because it is not a nice mistake to make in the first place. Judging other women because they do not do what you do is all too common and it should not happen. We need to show a healthy respect for each other and support each other rather than compete against each other or say 'my way is the right way' because as a Mum, you know there is not one way and the 'right way' is the way that feels right and works in your or your babies best interest at that time.

Having a child is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my entire life. Every day Beau brings nothing but love, curiosity and adventure into my life! I am 100 times the person I was because, obviously, I learnt a lot and the strength you acquire because you will do anything for this little person is amazing! Children do not wreck your life, not even for a second! Phew! :) It can be overwhelming and incredibly trying, I am not going to deny that at all! There are times when it can be extremely hard! But in all honesty the times that I felt like it was really ‘HARD’ is when I was not right within myself. If you fail at any stage to look after yourself then you will find it HARD. If you do not get enough sleep, if your relationships with your partner and/or other people are in turmoil or if you do not do things to look after YOURSELF and ensure you have some degree of happiness then motherhood will be incredibly hard.

This is another lesson that there is no more critical time to learn. I always tell people that there is no way you can prepare yourself for having a baby- other than starting on the path to learning to love yourself. It is THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT of having a baby. When you love yourself and have a healthy respect for yourself then you will do things to ensure your happiness which in turn makes you a better mother. If you look after yourself then you will be patient, you will be more alert and you will be more likely to trust your instincts. If you don’t look after yourself you run the risk of not enjoying motherhood, of ‘losing it’, of being a lazy parent and worst of all not being the best person you can be for yourself.

Believe it or not I truly believe that that is the only aspect which will make you a good mother or a not so good mother. The evidence of it is all around us. It is so important that we get to know ourselves and learn to love ourselves. If you want the best life possible for yourself and your family, there is nothing more important. There are a number of ways to start on the path that don’t even cost a dime and I personally think the best way to start this is to examine yourself, get to know you. What do you want from life? What do you enjoy doing? If you need any help doing this I have a brilliant questionnaire that helps you get to know YOU so feel free to email me and ask me for it if you like! Casey.lee.evans@gmail.com

I hope this blog has helped you in any shape or form. The main things I hope people take away from this is:

1:Go easy on yourself! Don’t do what I did because I missed out on the amazing experience being pregnant can be!

2:Do what is BEST FOR YOU.

3:Trust yourself, your body and your instincts!

4:When you make a decision OWN IT and never mind what ‘they say’ or what the ‘statistics are’.

5:Be patient and calm otherwise you will allow yourself to get overwhelmed and to help you be patient and calm you need to…

6:LOVE YOURSELF. Why wouldn’t you? You're amazing.

Stay fabulous!

CLE