HOW TO BE PERFECT!

I have my moments just like everyone else... those moments where you feel like it is just a bit too much and you just want to give in or give up. The days where you feel like the world is against you and you just cant see how things are ever going to get better. The days that you are so busy looking down that you cant see the brilliant light at the end of that tunnel. In the past year I have had a couple of those moments. I am 24 years old, unemployed and a single mother of one. To be honest I never thought I would end up here and if you confronted my old school buddies and asked who was the least likely to be in this position they would say me. I always envisioned a person with such a description to be barefoot, pregnant, no bra, a cigarette in one hand and a Bundy Rum in the other. I’m not that girl. When I saw those two little lines pop up on that plastic stick I was terrified. I was ‘off’ with my on again off again boyfriend when I found out. I quickly called him, crying into the phone, and told him our news. He was over joyed at the idea of being a father, he promised he would change his unruly ways and said we should get back together and go through this as a couple... so we did. Six months after our beautiful son was born we split. Now what does this story have to do with being perfect? It was my beautiful son Beau who actually helped me realise the true meaning of being perfect. For those of you who have children know the amazing power a child has over you as soon as they are born. The love that en-captures you is completely out of this world and is something that you do not know you are even capable of feeling. This love is something so divine and pure and it grows with every little breath they take. You could forgive them anything, you would do everything in your power to protect them, accommodate their every need and help them on their way to happiness without even blinking an eye. I used to be obsessed with the idea of perfection. Everything I did and everything I said I used to do it with 'what other people think' in mind. Everything I did had to be perfect in such a way that if it wasn't I was not happy. I was not even happy if I missed out on my 'projection of perfection' by even a millimetre. I used to make myself sick with worry, I was never satisfied and I stayed in situations where I shouldn't have just because I believed in an awful and stereotypical definition of perfection. I am not perfect. No one is or ever will be. But I strive for perfection every day. Here is the real definition of perfection that you should live by... perfection is: doing your best. That's it. You have to come to a point in your life where you realise you will never be perfect because as you grow and change, your idea of perfection will change also, so you just have to keep striving for perfection but at the same time understand that you will never get there. Throughout your life you will continually grow as a person. You will come across circumstances and situations every day that teach you life lessons and if you are wise you will learn from them instead of feeling life is against you and continuously looking down and failing (or even in some peoples case refusing!) to see the light. You are constantly expanding your knowledge and being educated so something you considered perfect a year ago might not be perfect to you now because your goals have gotten bigger and your mind has expanded in such a way that it has also changed. Perfection is SUBJECTIVE. Take what you think your 'perfect' life would be and strive for that every day. You might change your mind in a year but that's fine! Mine did! I went from the idea of perfection being a working woman who would use her 20's to buy a house and make money which would help support my husband and I when we decided to have children in our mid 30's! Now my idea of perfection is being the perfect Mother, provider and role model to my son! Circumstances changed and I have learnt and grown. Not all ideas and goals change as drastically but remember there is no such thing as a perfect anyone or anything. Its just you striving to do your best at any given moment. I truly believe that if you know this it takes away a lot of the pressure and the illusion of what people think is perfection disappears because what is perfect is that you try your hardest to strive towards the things you believe are good and the things you want. That is perfection- doing your best. As one of my all time favourite authors, Don Miguel Ruiz, Says “your best will change from day to day because as we all know we have good days and bad”. Hence doing your best means doing your best in your situation and emotional state at that time. Now I understand this... I am no longer sick, lethargic or have headaches from constantly disappointing myself because I am not perfect. I love my life and my son and I am enjoying the ride and learning from the lessons and educating myself on how to be the best I can be. That is my idea of perfection. When I do have my moments of 'hopelessness' I look up and see the light which reminds me that I am stronger than I know and that these lessons are to be learnt from and let go which helps me in my continual life education so I can keep on striving for perfection! I hope you now also have a better understanding of perfection and you untie the knots that hold you to the old idea, release yourself to the winds of life, embrace yourself flaws and all and do the best and be the best you can be at any given moment. Now that is the true meaning of perfection. Stay fabulous! X
CLE

Fashion Industry Code of Conduct

Something quite big and possibly well over due has occurred in Australia. Our Youth Minister Kate Ellis is making the fashion industry and media take some responsibility for the epidemic of poor body image in Australia. Ms Ellis stated that "Body image is an issue that we must take seriously because it is affecting the health and happiness of substantial sections of our community".
According to Mia Freedman, former editor of Cosmopolitan magazine and the Chair of the Body Image Advisory group, organisations that sign up to this code of conduct will abide by the following principles:

Positive content and messaging- Use positive content and messaging to support the development of a positive body image and realistic and healthy physical goals and aspirations among consumers.

Diversity- Use a diverse range of people that are appropriate to their target audience. When considering diversity, particular focus should be given to including a range of body shapes, sizes and ethnicities.

Fair placement- Use advertising that supports positive and healthy body image behaviour. Advertising that contradicts positive body image messages will not be used.

Realistic and natural images of people- Should not use digital technology in a way that alters images of people so that their body shape and features are unrealistic or unattainable through healthy practices. Make consumers aware of the extent to which images of people have been manipulated.

Healthy weight models- Use models that are clearly of a healthy weight.

Appropriate modelling age- Only use people aged 16 years or older to model adult clothes or to work or model in fashion shows targeting an adult audience.

Fashion retailers supporting positive body image- Stock a wide variety of sizes that reflects demand from customers.

Kate Ellis also launched a new body image tick of approval which will be awarded to businesses who stick to the new guidelines outlined in the code. Mia Freedman is an amazing woman who I look up to and i'm sure she will do a wonderful job with helping to fairly police the fashion industry along with the other members of the board. If you have never been to Mia's website it is definitely worth a look in. www.mamamia.com.au

Now for my honest take on the whole issue....

I completely agree that women and men alike, not just in Australia but all over the world, suffer from poor body image. It is evident in our news, advertising and well.... walk down the street and you will see it. People are shy, insecure and lack confidence. As much as I agree with the code of conduct I don't think it is the correct 'first step' to be taking in regards to promoting a healthy body image. The code of conduct really is just giving people a get out of jail free card by shifting the blame outside of themselves.

What they are trying to promote is self-esteem and it is not called SELF-esteem for no reason. The esteem needs to come from your SELF. I hate to disapoint you but no one can give you a healthy body image but YOU. I personally have never had a large amount of self-esteem although I have been surrounded by beautiful friends and family all my life that do nothing but compliment me, call me beautiful, smart, etc. Yet I have always 'suffered' from poor self-esteem. It is not until I realised that I was responsible for my lack of esteem and all the compliments in the world from other people were not going to help, that I decided to do something about it. The first step in promoting healthy body image should not have been the government pointing fingers at the fashion industry... rather it should have been educating women and men on how to cultivate their own self worth. I fail to see how that was not the logical first step.

Yes glossy magazines have grossly underweight and ridiculously airbrushed models gracing their pages. But they don't do it make people feel bad about themselves.... they do it to sell YOU a product. We are the consumers and advertising is directed at us. We are the ones who buy the magazines and the products. So maybe if we raised the bar by taking responsibility for our own self-esteem issues and stopped falling for such a fake world then don't you think they would have to re-evaluate their advertising stragegies? Again don't get me wrong I think the code of conduct is a great idea but it really is a band-aid trying to cover up a shotgun wound with the shooters being ourselves. We as individuals need to take responsibility for ourself and stop pointing fingers at others. So on the path to taking responsibility for yourself... here are some tips to help you along the way!

EDUCATE YOURSELF- Read books, take classes, go to seminars, listen to audio tapes, do what ever you have to do to educate yourself on how to improve your self worth. Life is a continual journey and to make the road less bumpy you need to educate yourself on strategies to make life that much easier. People tend to 'poo-hoo' self help books but just picking up even one can help make life that much easier. They are full of wisdom and strategies to help you help yourself. The only person who is educated is the person who understands that education is a life long process and you will never stop learning and taking your mind that one step further. The smart person chooses what they are educated on. So choose.

"The things taught in schools and colleges are not an education, but the means to an education." Emerson

CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE- Your attitude towards yourself defines your self worth. Do you think you are a worthy person who deserves the best and can do and be anything you want? Do you look in the mirror and think you like the way you look and when you think about your mind do you think of it as amazing? If you dont.... you should. You have to really start paying attention to your own self talk. It really is amazing how often that little voice in our head is all too willing to put us down. You need to start being an active participant when it comes to your thinking instead of being on autopilot. Adopt an attitude of love and respect for yourself. When you have a negative thought about yourself replace it with a positive thought. Start being grateful for the body and mind you have. Even if you just start off with being thankful for the legs that allow you to move around this earth or the hands that give you the power to create. Take small steps towards changing your attitude and make sure you do it every day. There is no magic pill that will change your attitude. You can wear all the make up, get all the cosmetic surgery and have all the support from your peers and family in the world but only you can change your atittude. It is easy yet it takes time and perseverance.

"Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force." Tom Blandi

and last but not least....

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK- One of my all time favourite books, which really is a must read, The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz gave me one of the best ideas ever and transformed what I thought about others and stopped me worrying about them judging me. The second agreement in this magnificent book is... Don’t take anything personally. Don says

"Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering."

Love it! Take this to heart and repeat it to yourself daily. The amount of time we spend worrying about what other people think about us is quite amazing. The amount of times we dont go for our dreams or do something or say something positive because we are afraid of what our friends or family will think is uncanny. Imagine the freedom you will gain if you lived by the idea 'Dont take anything personally'.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

Be grateful for the amazing world we live in. If you think the world is against you get over it and be grateful for what you have because when you are grateful you open the door to receive more! Do what makes you happy and realise you are responsible for your own happiness. Life is intoxicating in its beauty, wealth and love so why deny yourself the wonderful life you deserve? Look after yourself, the BEST friend you will EVER have is yourself...

Stay Fabulous! x

CLE